Today is so Random

This morning we had to make a semi-emergency trip to the orthodontist for Miss Rose, who needed an adjustment to the braces she had worked on, on Saturday. Stopped at the bread outlet, not much joy there.

Looking specifically for food that I can eat more of, for less calories. Of course. Got WW meeting tonight, have to weigh in. I did good for 3 days and lousy for 3 days. I have no idea what the scale will say, but I did learn something this week: if there is something in the house that I ought not to eat, I will eat it. So I need to make some good choices about what I'm putting in the grocery cart tonight, and not go buying things "for the kids," because I can't be trusted with it.

Got more to say about "Mama Guilt" on Thursday, but one thing that I will bring up now, is how terribly hard it is for me (mentally and physically) to lose weight when I am nursing a little one. Either way, I have guilt confusing the situation. I feel guilty if I am full, and I feel guilty if I'm hungry. I have a little one to feed! But I am overweight. Darned if I do and darned if I don't. WW gives you more calories to eat when you are breastfeeding, to compensate for the calories used by milk production, but still...the nagging voice that is always with me in every situation, says what it always says...you aren't doing it right, and you're going to fail with nursing, or you're going to fail with losing weight. Just like always.

I'm way behind on my Management Monday -- I really needed to have done my menu for this week and my grocery list, yesterday; and gotten at least this week's school planning done. The end of the school year is fast approaching, and the children will need to do some modified schooling over the summer so they can start their new year's curriculum on schedule in the fall. I need to pick n choose through the remainder of their curriculum, to make sure that they A) get the best of it, B) cover the things presented that they don't know yet, and C) are prepared for their standardized testing which we will most likely do in July.

I should have been working on it yesterday, but I was just so tired, and really fried mentally. I was feeling like I was on the edge of a breakdown, so I went to take a nap instead of working on it. But then the baby would not let me sleep, so I just layed there, thinking about thinking about things, and then the day was pretty much over, so that was that. Bummer.

Having all this junk hanging over my head all the time is really wearing me down.

I listened to a brief talk (Q & A) by Victoria Botkin last night, via Internet. I really enjoyed her relaxed, peaceful voice, and her smoothly interesting vocal cadences. She sounded like a gentle mama teacher, which I so needed to hear. She said, "When you are a mother of little ones, you CAN NOT do everything. You must only do what needs to be done. Spend time with your children." (paraphrased, LOL!) I was pleasantly surprised and a little cheered up by her talk. Not that it wasn't anything I haven't heard before, but it was just the right time and the right tone.

Went to see about the other talks in the series. She is doing an 8-week course through the end of April. I thought I might sign up and listen to the rest of the series.

Until I was sadly surprised to see that it would cost $49. Well, never mind then.

Carry on.
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